Prison Mind

I was watching an episode of OZ the other day. It is a show formerly broadcasted on HBO about the life of prisoners in a fictional facility known as Emerald City. How appropriate. If you think about what Em City was for Dorothy in the wizard of Oz. This however is not the focus of my post. What I wish to identify is more of the prison mind and how it then translates into the prison character but does it mean that this character is WHO and individual is. Are we defined solely by our actions in every situation or are who we are deeper than the act itself but the reason behind the acts we commit to.
When an individual is forced to submit to the darkest part of their character to survive how can we expect them to return to the good. That leads to many questions. What is the good? How doe we attach this label. Was the individual good to begin with? Let me give you a scenario. Paul who has grown up in an abusive household. Where his father beats his mother his brother and himself everyday. Grows up and starts beating on his wife and his two sons everyday. Is Paul evil or good? Is he ad or good? is there a difference between bad and evil? Let me finish the scenario Paul's son Adam grows up and does not beat his children but beats his wife occasionally and his younger brother John beat his wife to death. STOP Think about all of this and I will engage you further in this theory I have of the prison mind. Also do your best to exclude traditional definitions. Ones which you generalize what a prison is and what the mind is and then create a sentence to help you analyze think of a prison in as broad a term as possible.........

I know

A kiss that starts at the neck and travels up to my lips with purpose.
That is what you are to me
Its a feeling, something like a tingle or the way silk feels on bare skin
That's how I know
Like Brown sugar, stronger, deeper and thicker grains of... Love
Each time I breathe in and out... slow.... fast.. concentrating...
I think
Only you can give me this feeling
Deeply...Like the well that I fall into... in a dream
Not absent of light but somehow absent of an end
My feelings baby....true feelings....
That's how I know....
I'm in love

The Ignorance of Osmosis

There is something seriously wrong with women! I swear! I hate when girls get a man and everything that comes out of his mouth is what comes out of their mouths. Seriously if you are experiencing some freaky osmosis, take your ass that a way because I would rather NOT have to be around a grown ass women who has all of a sudden turned into a "grown ass man" and I am sure that this is definitely applicable in the vice versa scenario.

WE is I

There is this need for individuality that presses at the core of most people but less so for others. I listened today as someone I knew expressed to me something as plain as interaction and in listening to them realized that this person did not realize how much their life was ruled by the opinions and actions of others. I thought to myself how different people are even friends and for a second wondered if this was the reason why occasionally i questioned our friendship. I after all value my need to be an individual and not the kind that mimics the needs of others t be individuals but just to express Shari as Shari and not some collection of those that surround me. STOP! this is the part where I sell you the swindle of an UNIQUE spirit but in selling you this swindle I must acknowledge about four things...

FIRST! it is not possible to not be affected by the opinion of others, if life is a growing experience and our experiences are tied to interactions and those interactions are tied to people then inevitably, we are all product of the opinions of other people.

SECOND: when i say individuality i am expressing the idea that what you feel or think should not become the product of those around you. You can be a republican because you were raised by republicans but u do not have to agree with all of the republican agenda.

THIRD: if there is an individual there is a group thought... take with that what u want or will

FOURTH and Finally: the TO BE CONTINUED.... MY MIND IS PROCESSING

Heartless Harpy

The first time we ever experience true love, is when we are born into this world. We are to experience this love from our parents. However, what happens when our parents do not love us, where do we learn to love from then?

When I was younger I thought that girls learned to love through our mothers. How we saw them love men, we would mimick. But as I got older I realized that we learn from our fathers and as we watched them love our mother we rationalized the ways we wanted or did not want a man to love us. In my case, I wonder if I will develop into a lying, cheating, spineless bastard?

Or if what I thought when I was 13-17 that I would become my mother confused, weak, and confined.

Or here is the latest scenario that my fear of becoming both or either of my parents will turn me into a heartless Harpy. I think I will go with this one.

The All seeing EYE! (I)

I had a thought today as I usually do because the day you stop thinking is clearly the day you die, well at least I would hope that I have left this earth and am not somewhere in a vegetative state. .. Any who that is not the point of my post..

So I was thinking about perception and how when we sometimes meet people or are
around different people we can see them judging us. I know a few people whom I have given the title of "judgemental eyes" too. Where everything you say or do, you can see them analyzing and making assertions about your character. Well I realize today that it is not them who is judging it is "EYE!" (I) because my eyes are seeing a mirror and I am looking at myself and so have pushed this skewed image of myself on to another human being. No human being should have the ability to control another, I mean come on we are after all mortal beings and so magical powers HA! the only power there is is knowledge. The idea of truth, and that truth is if you know yourself better than how you all yourself to be known (think on this) you will feel less inclined to look into the eyes of another being and think of them judging you.

The Lesson: Comfort yourself in the knowledge of who you are so that you will not be uncomfortable.

This leads me to a second though the issue of self esteem and the lack thereof, I think it is completely okay to second guess yourself from time to time, it is also a part of being a living being, I will not say it is the attribute of humans because I have seen animals display this behavior as well. The problem with having a lack of self esteem comes also from a lack of knowledge, It would do us all good to constantly seek knowledge, what knowledge could we acquire that would aid in self esteem? IF you are asking this question you are a JACKASS and have NOT been paying attention!

Dear India Arie, U lie!

I am starting to think that rather than love we are looking fo robots that are what we want exactly. Instead of looking for qualitites that can add to who we are and aid on our individual spirit we miss out on these things because we become consumed by the lack of. If we were truly ready for love then we would seek without eyes,hear without needing words and feel without the need to actually touch.

Just a thought!